08.15.95 Grandpa says "Bye Doll, We'll See Ya"

August 15th is the anniversary of the day I became a cancer widow, at the age of 30. At that time we had 4 kids between 5 and 12. From time to time over the years I feel compelled to open up about that time, in the hope that it might help others who might be going through the same thing I did. This is one of those years. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The last few days have felt really "off", and I've known why, even though I've tried to ignore it. They've felt off because 30 years ago at 7:22am in August of 1995, I entered into a brand new phase of life that quite literally changed my entire life, from that point on. 

For a super quick backstory: Christmas of 1990 I noticed my husband Ben had a considerable large lump on his neck. He'd known it was there for a while but had ignored it (and also hid it from me, because he knew I'd make a thing of it). Once I saw it I insisted he see the doctor. He agreed, saw the doc, had a biopsy and by Valentine's Day (our 5th wedding anniversary) we got a call. The news was quite grim. It was metastatic melanoma, and it was stage 5. He was given 2 weeks at best. He was also offered a place in a clinical trial at the University of Washington Medical Center  reserved only for those with a terminal diagnosis, and so that's what we decided in that moment. He went through 2 rounds of that trial (incredibly miserable but successfully - and was the first patient to ever do that), had multiple surgeries, including brain surgery - twice - and lived another 4+ years after that first 2 week prognosis. Most importantly of all, in that time, we were both eventually called to Christ, both of us saved by God's grace in 1994 and found new, eternal hope in Him.

Between his initial diagnosis in 1990 and our coming to Christ in 1994, we'd quite literally jumped all over the place mentally, spiritually and physically. For a short time in 1991 we moved our little family from WA to his grandma & grandpa's place in the desert of southern California because they were the closest family he had & he desperately needed that. All his oncology care was transferred from the UofW to the Loma Linda University oncology dept. - the closest center to us out in the desert.  For a time, he did really well with that treatment protocol. Then things rapidly changed & we switched care back to the UofWa, moved back and tried our best to just resume "normal life" back in our hometown in the Pacific northwest. 

From the time we moved home in 1992 to his passing was another 3+ years. We both did our best to make our home as loving and peaceful and "normal" as possible for our kids except, we quite literally  had no idea what we were doing. In the spring of 1994 Ben's step-uncle Danny invited us both to a local church. Ben accepted the invitation first, and then me a few weeks later and  and as they say... the rest was history. Our new pastor and associate pastor made themselves available to us 24/7, and that made a monumental difference in our lives. 

For those who know me well, this is all "old news". Every once in a while though, I think to myself "bye doll, we'll see ya!" and hear it in gpa Earnie's voice 💖.  In the short time we lived with Ben's grandparents (and his sister on the same property), there was a sweet, unwritten rule that all the grandkids had to pop in to the main house after dressing for bed & brushing their teeth,  to say goodnight to gma & gpa. And every night, it was the same exact ritual. Gma would hug the stuffing out of all of them,  and gpa would say "goodnight doll, we'll see ya in the mornin'".  Every grandbaby was "doll" and every night, no matter what he was doing, he'd set aside his projects or chores or whatever he was doing,  to say goodnight to the grandkids and every single night without fail,  he'd say the same thing. 

Fast forward to August 15, 1995. Back in WA, Ben had been in palliative care for a month and his dad called me at 7am that day. "Come now, right now". Was the message. He'd been with him all night, praying. Not only him, but also his brother, Ben's uncle Daniel, sitting vigil through the night, praying for him.  His dad was a Christian (that we'd both ran away from in years past, ironically), and he'd often spend his entire night awake at the hospital, praying for him. On that night, uncle Danny was there too. 

When we moved back home we intentionally looked for a house close to the hospital and blessedly found one that was just under a 4 minute drive.  When I got the call that morning I was up, dressed & out the door in record time. I arrived, walked into the room, saw Ben's dad and uncle in the room at the window, praying and I  sat down & held Ben's hand. I knew he was leaving, and I couldn't think of anything to say to comfort him so I leaned in and whispered in his ear "bye doll, we'll see ya". Only because I knew his heart would be comforted because he knew gpa always said the same thing.  

And then... he was gone & the 5 years of "terminal cancer diagnosis" was over. In the worst way ever. 

No one ever tells you how to handle the last moments someone's life. Especially when it's someone you're building a life and a family with.  Or how you'll feel. Or what they'll look like once they've drawn their last breath (spoiler alert, they look fake, and gray, and not real, and it doesn't make any sense). Or how hard you'll deeply weep, or what kind of weird, rabid animal that sort of sounds like. You never really "get it" until you're there, and your heart is broken into a zillion pieces. It's a most brutal process. 

I drove home that morning after saying goodbye to my husband, and then speaking to my associate pastor, brother, and a few men from my church. They all agreed they'd be at my house by the time I got home, and they all were there to help me relay the news to our kids. I pulled into the driveway, walked into the back yard, sat down in the grass next to the concrete pond Ben built for me and just wept in a way I never even knew was possible. 

August 15th will always be a heartache date for me in this world, but a most ridiculously exciting date for me in the spiritual sense. Because this is the day my Ben entered into his Heavenly rest, greeted Christ face to face, and began his eternity with Him. 

End of the day... I think a lot about how he must have felt when he saw Jesus "in person" or however that works on the eternal side, for the first time. 💖 and really, I couldn't be happier for him. No matter how much it broke me on this side of eternity. 

Garden 2025 Update #7 - 2 Months of HEATWAVE Later

My garden updates are a fun little way for me to keep visual track of what's working for me (and what failed miserably! Because that's all a part of the gardening journey as well.) in the garden.  I share these publicly and just hope they bless you as much as they help me!

My last garden update was already 8 weeks ago in June, and 8 weeks into mid-summer things change rapidly!  Here are the way things are going for me after a really cold spring and cold early summer, then a crazy heat-wave that finally broke for a couple of days a month ago, and then sadly came raging right back!

 

Back in mid-June I built these window boxes on my garden cottage then planted English Daisies in them. I'm quite delighted with the way they turned out. 💖 

I think next year I'll plant some mint, or basil, or some other edible herb in them. 

Out watering the garden one day and heard a rather loud conversation across the fence.  I see my neighbors have some rather adorable pool party guests. 😁

Loads of garlic scapes right on time in late June just before the 4th of July garlic harvest date. 

These are all diced & dried and used in my pantry stock of dried garlic for a variety of seasoning blends. You can also freeze them, use them in soup, stew or even summer salads. 

My cucumbers struggled considerably this year. A colder than usual spring, and colder than usual early summer created a most unpleasant result. I spoke to several local growers and we were all having the same experience. I finally picked up some seedlings in mid June and they've taken off quite well for the last 8 weeks. So far I've processed 3 batches of garlic dill pickles and it looks like batch #4 is coming this week and then they might be done with.  What you're seeing here is pine shaving mulch (pet bedding) that helps to regulate water retention in the soil, as well as the soil temperature.  This is my first year trying this method on cucumber vines and I have to say after 8 weeks, it's worked quite incredibly well.  Weed suppression was nearly 100% and that allowed the plants to really thrive without any weed pressure at all. I will definitely give this another go next year and see if the results are the same. 👍 

(Sources I've researched do say to skim the shavings off the soil surface at the end of the season and dispose with any other composting methods you're using for green/brown compost layers.)

My tomatoes haven't done well the last few years so this year I tried a new variety for my slicing tomatoes. This year it was Bonnie Best. You can't tell from this very early image but recently I sliced a ripe one and put it on my hamburger.  I never do that, but wanted to see how it held up.  

It tasted as if I 100% added sweet ketchup to my burger.  

I was considerably impressed, to say the least! 

I'll be adding this variety to my preferred list for next spring. 

Speaking of tomatoes... this year's cherry tomato variety was Chocolate Cherry.  It's been a rapid producer and the fruit is nothing short of incredible. Everyone in my family that has tried them is really impressed at how delicious they are.  It truly does have notes of chocolate, cherry, and tomato in every sweet bite. These are a keeper for sure and I'll be growing these from now on 😋

The other cherry tomato variety I grew this year was Tiny Tim.  I've discovered I absolutely hate this plant,  😂 even though I love how well it produces.  The branches grow so close together it creates this really compact shrub that makes it nearly impossible to harvest fruit from. The fruit is sweet and lovely but you can get the same thing with a much less fussy plant.  I wont be growing this one again. 

I don't have an "official" drying/curing rack for my garlic or onions so, in this case, the metal cart is the go-to drying rack.  Once I layed all the garlic out I had to chuckle as it looked like something you might have seen on Gilligan's Island, in one of Mary Ann's huts. 😄

 This is just one of the many volunteer sunflowers came up in the garden this year.  

I staked them all up as needed, and the bees and butterflies loved them. 💖

Okay so... no, this isn't garden related. 

It's a beautiful sign my sister Lora sent me that **immediately** had to be hung in my foyer. 😂😂😂

  BEST. SIGN. EVER.

Same bed as the earlier shot with the pine shavings. My local nursery's seedlings were quite strong and did incredibly well here.

Sometimes you just sit on the lawn swing and take in the view, and thank the Lord for His incredible mercy and grace, that allows you to have this. 💖💖💖

My Chocolate Cherry tomatoes showing off with "you're not the boss of me!" stems falling off the side of the deck rail after a super windy day. Indeed I was not the boss of them, but I've let them be and have been harvesting off them for the last few weeks. 😀They are 100% the boss of me. 

It may not look like much, but this is my 2025 garlic harvest. 29 heads of garlic. Most will go into wee jars of raw honey infused garlic for cold and flu immune system aid & the rest will be dried and used for all sorts of homemade seasoning blends that include garlic powder. Since I started growing my own garlic in 2021 and learning how to dry it and process it , I haven't had to buy garlic powder from the store at all. It's he tiniest changes that make the biggest differences.  

All but one of the sunflowers in my garden this year, were 100% transplants.  The one that was intentionally planted was a winter sown plant as an experiment. 

It's now nearly 15 feet tall. (seen below).  

I will 100% attempt another round of winter sowing. 

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you're encouraged by what you've read here, and if you have any thoughts or suggestions or questions please feel welcome to leave a comment. 😊

Social Media Comment Section: Working Hard & Resting in Grace

Because I've set a boundary for myself in my activity on social media to contribute nothing but encouragement (hopefully), I choose to not get involved in the comment sections there in what may be considered to be controversial issues. So this is my space for sharing some expounded thoughts on what I see there. 

Today on Twitter/X a nice younger lady shared some thoughts on parenting and the sufficiency of God's grace.

Here's what she had to say:

You have a gaggle of children, none taller than your belly button. You are quite literally drowning in dirty dishes and laundry. Not a grandmother's helping hand in sight or a day off for months on the calendar.

Is it *now* suddenly ok to fuss because you don't have what everyone else seems to have to make things function well?

No.

The only way to maturity is through immaturity. Admit you need to grow up and work harder. No silver bullets. No extended sabbaticals from motherhood. Envy fixes nothing.

This is not works based theology. Either God's grace is sufficient for the good works He's prepared for you (including cooking 24/7) or it isn't. Source - Lexy Sauve

While I don't know this woman personally I have had limited interaction with her online (all good) and she's even shared a fabulous cherry wine recipe with me. 

That aside, her post received quite a bit of pushback from other ladies online.  The posts I've seen all seem to especially be concerned with the "grow up and work harder" portion of the message. More specifically a lack of encouragement to young moms who might be reading that message that God's grace also allows for us to sometimes just set aside our own to-do list, take a "breather" and that it's entirely okay to take the day and just rest in Him. There have been some other comments here and there about it but that's the gist of it from what I've seen. So now I'll attempt to not be long-winded with my thoughts on this. I can't make any promises, however. 😁

First, I think I understand where she's coming from. I think she's simply trying to convey in a very practical, matter-of-fact way is that God is faithful to prepare us in where He's called us. 

I'm certain we all agree on that. 

Second, in my mid 20's to mid 40's while raising 8 kids I might have sounded a lot like Mrs. Sauve, but due to the blessing of a couple more decades and seeing all my kids grow up to become adults I know that the concern others have mentioned is also really important. I'm sure it's universal that older moms usually know stuff that we only wish we knew as younger moms. Without making this a mile long, just a couple of examples of that "taking a breather" and resting in God.

1. Sometimes it's okay to to just go in the bathroom and cry, and pray. And cry. That doesn't mean you're being fussy or envying anyone, it can just mean it's a hard day/moment. My grandma always advised me in moments like that (and they happen because that's life), wash your face with an ice cold washcloth then get back to your day. It's brilliant advice too. Super refreshing. 

2. When you've been working as hard as you can, and things still pile up faster than you can deal with them (and they will, because that's life), it's a good time to remember Who controls the circumstances (it's not you) and just take some time, pray & ask the Lord to help you remember you're not the one in charge and to really be at peace with that. Having true peace about that drastically reduces the impulse to ever feel fussy about it. 

I think these things (and other ways folks make time to rest in God and refresh their hearts & minds) do mean that you're growing up and working harder, by His grace. 

Thanks for stopping by. I do hope this has blessed and encouraged you in some way. 💖

Garden 2025 Update #6: My Early June Garden

I composed & meant to update this 10 days ago.  In the last 10 days things look much different so the July update will be a lot of fun, seeing the tremendous difference!

I've used this method before for my beets & carrots and it worked really well so I thought 

I'd see how it might work to protect my onions from the chipmunks. They just love onions.

So far it's a 100% effective deterrant after being in place for the last 11 days. 

Green beans coming up nicely.  

It never ceases to amaze me how drastic the view from the deck can be from one season to the next. 

48 hours of heavy winds lead to an emergency stake-up of most of the garlic. 

It's been a weird spring. The Roma tomato plants are small but they're producing. 

I plan out my garden months in advance and knew a year ago I wouldn't be growing potatoes this year. 

And then I found one tucked away in a veggie basket, out of sight, that had begun to chit. 

Immediate change of plans 😂

This year's potato is a single medium size Russett. 3 pieces in each pot. 

It'll be fun Potato Math to see how many come from a single potato. 

Looking to add some pretty pops of color, I added two new Butterfly Bushes. 

I can't describe how magical they smell other than to say it's birthday cake & love. 💖

Another new addition this year are these adorable pansies. 

I've transplanted nearly 100 strawberries this year and there's 4 different kinds.

This pretty, deep pink blossom variety is so pretty! 

The oldest garden tool in my possession, from back when things were made to last.

This is entirely made from diecast metal, handles to blades, springs, levers, nuts & bolts.

One of my grandma's most used, she parted with it & gifted this to me in 1983.

I grew up in her back yard and watched her use this tool at least thousand and one times. 

 I've never oiled or sharpened it, and would love to restore it one day. 

I used it today, and it works just as awesome as it did 42 years ago. 

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you're encouraged by what you've read here, and if you have any thoughts or suggestions please feel welcome to leave a comment. 😊