The Great Big Thank You Post

As most who know me already know, we just returned home from a fantastic two week vacation in Florida.  The weird thing is, just typing that seems as surreal as the vacation itself was, but in a really awesome sort of surreal way.  Pretty much the whole way down there, the whole time there and the whole way back Kev and I were in "pinch me I'm dreaming" mode.  I have a lot of people to thank for this trip so here's my list:

First, I need to thank God.  Due completely to His blessings we were able to make this trip in the first place.  Not only did He provide the means, He gave us safe and enjoyable tavels, fabulous weather and experiences that we'll all cherish for a lifetime.

Next, are all my customers from Reflections at zazzle. Over the last couple of years (as blogging decreased and working hard on my shops increased) I've managed to create some really popular designs & products and my shops are a success.  I'm often in "pinch me" mode when it comes to this but I want to thank my customers who love my shops and have enabled us as a family to have this second income and do things like this.

I'd like to thank Steve and Cindy Camp (and their great kids Joe, Marshall, Caroline (and E, so great to meet you too!) and Jordan) who were not only wonderful hosts but made us feel at home, made us laugh, and made us wish we could stay forever. Hanging out at the Camp house, going to the beach, out to dinner, watching and listening to Cindy play her violin (and Steve and the kid's emergency side trip to the ice cream shop) was just so much fun!  I'd also like to thank Steve for his spot on sermon on Sunday while we visited The Cross Church, and the family at the church (Les, Samantha, Miss Joyce and Jerry, just to name a few - I'd name more but so many came up and introduced themselves I have forgotten all the names!) for making us feel so welcome.  If you're ever in Palm City Florida, please do go visit this church, you will be so blessed. Even if Steve is that guy who wears socks with his sandals. :o) (it's true, and I have pics to prove it).

I'd like to thank all our friends and family who commented, liked and enjoyed the pics we posted along the way on FB.  It was a lot of fun to share those with all of you and your well wishes and excitement for us made it even more fun!

I want to thank our grand daughter Hailey for coming out to take care of our cats while we were gone.  Oh, and I want to thank her parents Jessica and Joost for driving her out to do that. :o)

I have to thank Len (my father-in-law) and Sue (his partner) for being fantastic hosts as always, taking us to the beach, the slough, and out to dinner at Parrot Key.  If you're ever in Fort Myers Beach, do not miss this place!  Fabulous food, incredible atmosphere and excellent service.

I need to thank my sister-in-law Kim for taking care of our insane beagle Tulip while we were away.  She's a tad neurotic (the dog, not Kim) but she did well under Kim's care, even if she did hate the city life and that whole harness/leash thing.  Kev and the kids skyped with her while we were in Ft. Myers and everyone enjoyed that.

There are so many more people I thought of to thank while we were driving home but now it all seems like a huge happy blur.  It was quite possibly the most busy, fun, whopping vacation I've ever had.  If I never get to do anything like that again, the memories will last a lifetime, for certain.

Savage Bigotry - Brutal Hypocrisy

The other morning I was sitting in a local McD's eating a sausage/egg biscuit while waiting for the van to be serviced before we leave for vacation.  Sitting behind me was a group of elderly men, ranging in ages from mid 70s to mid 80s. Since they were right behind me it was nearly impossible not to hear their conversation but I was ignoring them for the most part while I ate, sipped my coffee and read my email.  They were talking about something in the news (I missed that part, because I was ignoring them) and one of the older men at the table suddenly blurted out the F-bomb in a statement against the person the news report was about.

Now, we live in a day and age where anyone and everyone is using the F word, it seems.  From 6 yr old first graders on the playground, to female newscasters being caught on live tv (when they didn't realize the live camera was still on) to old men in McDonald's.  I suppose I should be used to hearing it but for reasons I can't really explain it just stopped me cold to hear this old man use this word.  Literally, I stopped mid-bite of my sandwich because I couldn't believe what I had just heard.  My immediate thought was reflecting on how in my own lifetime (and I'm only 47) gentlemen in our society used to have class, and would never use language like that in front of women and children.  Apparently, class has gone out the window and it's okay for anyone to use  filthy language in front of anyone else, anymore.  When I told Kevin about it later I told him I wanted to say something to that man.  I really wanted to stand up, turn around and say something along the lines of "excuse me sir, I find your use of such language offensive, disgusting, and it just killed my appetite, you should be ashamed of yourself".  Yes, that's what I really wanted to say. But I didn't.  I didn't say a word and I've been kicking myself ever since then.  I'm not even sure why it is exactly that I didn't say anything.  Maybe it's because I hate being the center of attention (and that certainly would have done it).  Maybe it's because I was afraid he'd cuss me out, or him and his breakfast pals would all laugh at me.  I don't like confrontation so instead of standing up and speaking out, I said nothing.  That was wrong of me to take that course of action.

I told that little story because it applies directly to what I really wanted to write about today, and that is bigotry and hypocrisy. As I'm sure you've already heard or read in your news feeds, a man by the name of Dan Savage (columnist and gay rights advocate) was recently invited to speak at a National High School Journalist Convention in Seattle, sponsored by the National Scholastic Press Association and the Journalism Education Association. In the course of that speech, Savage not only trashed the Bible (using vulgar language) and what it has to say about homosexuality but he mocked the Christian kids at the conference who stood up and walked out, as he began his few minutes of trashing the Bible and what Christianity teaches about sexuality.

Now let me make something perfectly clear here.  Dan Savage is more than within his rights to express his opinion that the Bible is wrong.  He's also within his rights to live his personal life in whatever way he chooses.  I think we'll all agree on that.  But here's where the wheels fall of the bus completely: Dan Savage engaged in the exact same type of bigotry that Christian "homophobes" are accused of all the time. What's more is, he also displayed a surreal level of pure hypocrisy with his conduct at this conference.

Think about it for just a moment as I turn the table and give you the reverse scenario.  Imagine if the speaker was a Christian.  Now imagine there were gay kids in the conference audience and the speaker singled them out and expressed his opinion that the one piece of literature they respect and admire and pattern their lives after was full of "bull****" and was wrong on that one aspect of teaching.  Then as the gay kids got up and walked out (rightfully so, I might add), imagine the Christian speaker laughing about it and then saying "oh, you can tell the gay kids in the hall to come back now, I'm done trashing their book" and then calling them pansy-asses.

We all know the mainstream media would have crucified this speaker and in very short order he'd be out of a career.  No one would have anything to do with such a loose canon.  We also all know that the gay community would be outraged, and RIGHTFULLY so.  To single out any ONE people group and mock them and antagonize them for what they believe is just wrong, no matter who YOU are or who THEY are.

To make it even more ironic and unbelievable that this ever even happened at all, is the fact that Dan Savage is the creator of the It Gets Better project - a campaign designed to give hope and encouragement to homosexual teens who face harassment and bullying.  Could there have been a more glaring example of exactly what bullying and harassment is?  Maybe if he said "don't insult people you filthy little worm" or if he said "never shove someone down" as he proceeded to shove them down.  Which technically, that's exactly what he did.

If you look up the textbook definition of bigot, you will see that it says it's a person who is zealous about their own beliefs to the point of intolerance and no respect for the opinions of others, if they disagree.  If you look up the word bully you'll see that it describes a person who uses various intimidation  tactics (from physical to verbal and anything else they can employ).  That intimidation can come in the form of verbal insults, mockery and public shaming in an effort to get the person to do/say/believe what you want them to do/say or believe.  If you also look up the word hypocrite you'll see that it means a person who does the very opposite of what they teach, preach or claim to believe.  Sadly for the teenagers present at the journalism conference, Dan Savage showed them all exactly what a bigot, a bully and a hyprocrit really looks like.

Here's the kicker though - he essentially got away with it.  Oh sure he issued an apology later, sort of.  You can read what he had to say here on that.  And some within the gay community DID in fact speak out and sort of rebuke Savage for his conduct (and good for them, I think most of us are well aware that this kind of vulgar, insulting attitude doesn't accurately represent the majority within the gay community), and the media did pick up on it because it is pretty in-your-face what he did, but you can be sure this dark little cloud will pass quickly and Savage will still be booked for speaking engagements all over the country.

In this day, in our culture there is a very clear, very MIXED message about bullying and bigotry.  On the one hand our young people are told to stand up against bullying and show tolerance and acceptance and respect for people no matter who they are or how they live.  This is a GREAT message and even more awesome, it encapsulates exactly the same thing the Bible teaches when it says "love thy neighbor".

On the other hand though, it seems like the sentiment to resist bullying and fight back against bigotry only applies to certain people in society.  Rather, it seems like it's bad to be a bully or a bigot unless you're dealing with Christians, then it's perfectly okay to mock, insult, intimidate, harass, deride, and show absolutely ZERO tolerance or respect for the Christian's views.  Further, by calling the Christian the bigot and the bully, you're excused for your own hypocritical, bigoted, bullying tactics.

I know I'm not the only one who sees this in our culture.  In fact, I've had this conversation numerous times with others who see it too, and cannot for the life of them figure out how we got here.  Maybe we got here because people like me who heard offensive things in McDonald's didn't stand up and say something.  Maybe we got here because too many of us DON'T say anything for so long, that by the time we do feel compelled to say something, it's too late and the twisted thinking has already taken a strong foothold in our culture.

However we got here, I stand and applaud the Christian kids who stood and walked out of Savage's speech.  I don't care WHO you are, you should never be subjected to insults or mockery for what you believe or who you are. Gay, Christian, Muslim, handicapped, over-weight, black, white, male, female... it doesn't matter, all people are made in the image of God and deserve at the very least civility and respect.  And those who do engage in such conduct of bullying and hypocrisy, should certainly never be in a position to influence young thinkers and set such a putrid example.

In conclusion, I'd like to make a confession. My confession is this: I'm not even close to perfect and sometimes I'm a real rotten example of the very things I say I believe and say that we should all do.  That doesn't mean I'm a hypocrite, it just means I'm weak and faulty and full of flaws.  I strive to be the kind of person the Bible calls me to be, and will continue to do so until the day I die.  I've done hypocritical things and I've said hypocritical things and I've been called on it, more than a few times.  I will admit that it's embarrassing and it's humiliating and I needed to be called on it because without that, there would never be repentance or a desire to try harder to live a good and godly life.

Status Report - April (late!)

Looking at my poor blog the other day I thought "has it really be 5 weeks since I've posted??"  Yes, it most certainly has.  I will now remedy that with a rambling status update.

Sitting -  at my very clean desk.  I'm not sure what it is about a clean desk that makes you feel more productive but I like it.  Yesterday the kids and I did a power-tidy in the game room in preparation for our upcoming vacation.  I hate coming home to a messy house, even if it's only after being out for the morning running errands.

Loving - that the weather man says 64 and sunny today.  Those two weeks of 70+ temps we had in mid March spoiled me rotten and made me want to hit the FF button on summer.

Not Loving - the fact that my 13 yr old and my hubby have both come down with yet another cold.  Another cold.  This has been the worst season ever for how many times my family (and myself) have been sick with colds and flus.  Three seperate trips to the ER since November, countless bottles of cough syrup, bottles of cold pills, cleaning up puke, etc. so forth and so on.

Really REALLY Loving - the fact that my grandson was born yesterday! Here he is sitting on my lap while I took his picture with my phone.  The cutest grandson in the history of all things cute, Connor Benjamin Lee was born at 4:47am, April 28, 2012 - weighing in at a perfect 7lbs. 4oz., and 20 inches long.  He's perfectly healthy, mom is doing well and the Rolfe clan just added the first new BOY to the family in 11 years! Oh yes, he will be spoiled rotten :-)

Determined - to do NO work whatsoever in the two weeks we'll be gone to Florida.  When we took our road trip last summer I took my lappy for the "just in casers" custom orders that come in, and I'm glad I did that because I did get several custom requests that was I was able to fill.  I'm taking my laptop again this time but I'm not working at all.  So, if anyone reading has a custom request, please wait until after May 23rd to inquire about it. :o)

Hoping - to get all the "last minute" details on a list this week and then check them off as they're done/purchased so we're all ready for our Florida road trip on Saturday.

Looking forward to - the entire trip!  Not only will we get to drive through places I've never been, we'll get to see Disneyworld, the beaches in Florida (both coasts), friends, family and... alligators.  I refuse to come home until I've seen an alligator just walking around in non-alligator territory.  Like, the grocery store parking lot, or something like that.  Also really looking forward to the WARM weather.  I'm not a cold weather person by any stretch of the imagination, and everyone says I'm going to love-love-love it down there.  The bonus is, by the time we get back, we'll be (for the most part) past our cold weather here too.

Avoiding - as much negativity as humanly possible.  Not in the "ignore it and it will go away" sense, but in the "there isn't anything I can do about it anyway" sense.  A wise person once told me you have to learn how to pick your battles.  There are some battles I can win, like paying the bills and fixing supper.  Other battles I can't do a thing about, like twisted worldviews and snarky personality issues in other people.  It's exhausting trying to engage with people who a.) don't listen to what you say and b.) only engage you in the first place because they like the conflict, not because they want to come to a better understanding of your position.  So, that's a battle I'm done picking.

Getting - SO excited for Saturday to get here so we can hit the road!

Planning - roast beef for dinner tonight, and with the leftovers making a crockpot chili tomorrow.  For dessert, I think I need to make a batch of good old fashioned chocolate chip cookies.  It's been a while since I've made cookies and I think we probably all need some of those.

Okay Digital Age Ladies - What About His WIFE?

I recently found myself in an awkward situation that left me in a sort of inward-kerfuffle with myself without any real clear answers.  This situation also forced me to realize that what I grew up with and what has been common, societal norms in the category of pleasantries and courtesy and modesty for a really long time (pre-digital age so, around 6,000 years among civilized societies?) is no longer the case and what's more, they're changing faster than I think I can keep up with.  This is going to be way longer than a 140 tweet or a snippet status update so I hope you'll read the whole thing without getting bored and clicking away.

I'll explain the situation and maybe someone reading can offer some insight on it.  For all I know, there are other women out there who have been in the same situation and found themselves wondering what to do as well?  Here's what happened:

An aquaintance of my husband sent me a friend request on FB so I accepted. Technically, he's a singer in a band that my hubby and I both actually love to pieces, so I felt okay accepting the request.  After I did that, I did what people deny doing and I creeped his profile.  You know how it goes, you look at status updates, pictures, friends & stuff like that.  I confess, I creep profiles - and I don't care who knows it.  I'm pretty sure everyone else does too.  In any case, I noticed his wife also had a FB account and almost without thinking I moused over her name to send a friend request - then I stopped.  This was where the kerfuffle started.

I thought, on the one hand I feel like I should send her a friend request since I'm friends with her husband.  Then I thought, no I'm not friends with her husband I don't even know her husband!  Then I thought about how much I hate the way social networking has obliterated the true definition of friend and essentially turned it into a meaningless thing.  Then I thought, well I will send her a request with a note saying my hubby and I are friends with her hubby and I thought it would be nice for her and I to be friends too.  Then I thought, she's going to get this and think "who is this freakbag and why is she sending me this request?"  I mean, those who know me well already know I'm sorta silly but I don't want strangers to think I'm a freakbag. Who does??  I was at a total loss with what to do, so I did nothing and I've been stewing over it ever since.  This has been about 2 months now and I still don't know what to do - or if I should do nothing at all.

Now I realize for most people this is a complete non-issue.  However, for Christian men and women who are interacting with men and women online, it's not a non-issue but I don't want to give the impression that it's a HUGE issue, because it's not (but it is an issue and should be for adult Christian men and women, married and single, that want to keep themselves accountable, out of trouble and not give anyone the wrong idea about anything, right?).   In other words, I desire to keep it real without making it a big deal.  The problem is, I don't have any clarity on what that should look like.

Online, I am "friends" with several married men.  Essentially what that means is that I know them from chat or forums or blogs and when we crossed paths on FB it was just sort of automatic that we'd be friends there too.  Among those married men, if I actually interact with them, and if I know their wives are on FB too, I am friends with many of them as well.  It makes ME feel better knowing that I'm not just friends with their husbands, while ignoring them (or giving the impression I don't care to know them, or interact with them).

On the flip side to this (sort of?) there are single & married women that are friends with my hubby.  They know he's a married man (you can't be his FB friend without knowing it, we goof off there all the time) but a handful of them have never sent me a friend request and almost never interact with me on his wall/timeline.  I'll be honest, I find that uncomfortable - and something about it seems bizarre.  And when I thought about that, I wondered how many conversations I've had with married men online who's wives I'm not friends with - and if they find it uncomfortable and bizarre as well??

Kev and I were talking about this a few weeks ago and I translated it all for him (the way I see it anyway) into a face-to-face situation like neighbors who lived on the same street.  Imagine if a married man were walking down the sidewalk with his wife, and some woman came up and struck up a conversation with him.  She liked his new jacket, laughed at what he said, and talked about her recent shopping trip to find a new jacket herself.  Then the wife speaks up and says "yes, I like it too", then the husband thanks the wife and the other woman just stares at her without  saying a word - like she's invisible -  then goes back to her conversation with the husband.  In a situation like that it seems pretty bizarre  and terribly awkward, but that's exactly what goes on online, and everyone seems to think it's just normal and/or okay.  My inner sense of "funky and strange" says it's not okay, that there's something very blatant and obvious being disregarded.  From where I sit, I most certainly do not want to be a blatant and obvious disregarder of someone's wife!

So, is it just me, or have you ever had these same thoughts and/or do you struggle in any way with all of this?  If yes, I'd love to hear from you.  If no, I'd love to hear from you too so you can tell me why you're okay with it all.  I think whatever insight anyone has to share on this might be more helpful than you realize, since the digital age isn't going anywhere anytime soon (unless the Mayans were right!) and we all should have a better handle on how we interact (or, do not interact) online.