Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Fat Kid Halloween Letter

By now, unless you've been under a rock somewhere, you've probably already heard/read about the brilliant lady in North Dakota who plans on handing out candy to the thin kids on Halloween tomorrow night, but to the kids she determines to be "moderately obese", she will hand them this letter.

Much has already been said about this letter and the woman who wrote it (anonymously, but calls herself Cheryl when she phoned into a radio station to explain why she's so awesome and helpful to her village) and the way social media picks up on things and flings them to every possible corner of the planet and back again within seconds, much more will be said, I'm sure.  So why am I adding my voice to the mix?  Because when I first read about this letter this morning I got so angry I couldn't stop thinking about it.

So I've decided to write my own letter.  Here it is:

Happy Halloween and
Happy Holidays Cheryl of the Village!

You are probably wondering why I'm writing to you since I don't even know you, you don't know me and this all seems rather out of the blue.  Well, allow me to explain.

You see, part of me thinks your letter was actually a hoax, a brilliant, modern, 2013 social media "trick" for Halloween this year.  Now if that is the case, it worked like a charm but already sort of made pretty much everyone hate you for being so mean.. or so they thought.  So if it was a hoax, a "trick" instead of a treat, then it sort of worked but also sort of backfired in spades.

However, if it wasn't meant as a joke and you were serious, you better start packing now, or think very carefully about actually doing this.  You may not have read the reactions of people on several sites today but I have, and they're just WAITING for their kid to come away from your house with this letter.  Do you know what your village people are planning to do to your house?  I do, because they're all talking about it.  TP'ing your house, egging your house, bricks, rocks and whatever else through the windows, coming up to your door and punching you in the face and all kinds of other rotten, aweful illegal things.  But you know what the most ironic thing is?  YOU have angered them to this kind of reaction with your letter.  Really bad move, Cheryl.

You see, I think if you really cared about overweight kids, you'd be able to come up with 101 different things to hand out on Halloween instead of candy, for ALL the kids who come to your door.  Or, you could have just blogged something (like I am, it totally works) or ranted on FB or whatever.  But instead, you've totally and completely ticked off thousands and thousands of people by threatening to hurt their kids feelings by handing the thin kid the chocolate bar, and handing the heavier kid a stupid piece of paper.  I question if you were ever a.) a kid and b.) went trick or treating or c.) gave any genuine thought to how this would be so upsetting to a little kid on Halloween.    I find it a little hard to believe there are super-creepy people that would do this but then again, there are people that do much worse to little kids all the time.  I'm still hoping that your letter was a hoax and you're not really this much of a meanie.

I do have to wonder though, what kind of medical background you have there in your village that qualifies you to diagnose someone by a 10 second look through the door as being moderately obese.  Are you a doctor? A clairvoyant?  Do you realize that some kids are heavier than others because they are just built that way, and maybe do in fact eat healthy food on a regular basis?  Of course there are chubby kids and chubby parents too but do these kids really deserve to be humiliated at your doorstep on Halloween night?

In any event Cheryl, since your "Halloween fat kid letter" (that's what folks are calling it, not me) has hit the web, you're famous now, even though most people have no idea who you really are.  So, if you still plan to hand out this letter, let me suggest you begin packing now, since you'll need to move to another city.  The world is literally watching your village there and waiting to see what happens tomorrow night.  I've read many comments from people who live there and work there who have already said "she'd better not, or she'll be sorry".  They said other stuff too.  Really mean stuff, really vulgar stuff that I'm not going to repeat but trust me, it's BAD.

I wish you all the best tomorrow night, and seriously hope you change your mind.

P.S. My jack-o-lantern is cooler than yours, and I'm handing out candy and Florida's Naturals Halloween fruit snack packets to ALL the kids who knock on my door.  It's the responsibility of their parents to ration out their candy, not mine.