Once again I am copycatting Lisa and Rebekah and Kim and all the other fine lady bloggers that post status reports. I find them a very helpful way of "flipping through the channels" so to speak to filter what's going on this head of mine. Sometimes that can be a disturbing thing.
Sitting... in the same place as always since I still don't have a lappy. If could be sitting somewhere else right now while typing it would be on the deck, in a bug screened shade, in a Muskoka chair with a big fat all-weather cushion. I used to sit on the porch as a teenager and write, and I miss doing that.
Drinking…coffee, with a dose of French vanilla cream. I'm thinking about stopping the cream. I've been drinking flavored cream in my coffee since 1992 when a friend came over one morning with a bottle of Irish Cream coffee creamer and said "you have GOT to try this, it's amazing". He was correct, and I've been a flavored cream user ever since.
Considering... how the magic age of 50 will completely change your thinking. I have four more years before I'm 50 but it seems like just the other day I was 30 so I'm not really sure how this happened. I've never been one to really care about my age or even admit how old I am (even if I do sometimes forget for a second when asked), but the realization of being almost 50 has caused me to consider a lot of things I really hadn't seriously considered at almost 40. For one, I'm in the worst physical shape I've ever been in, in my life. Now before you assume that means I have body parts falling off and things like that, it doesn't. It just means that for the last 10 years or so I've done a considerably amount of nothing. Housework doesn't count, because you can fold 10,000 loads of laundry and you still didn't really get much of a workout. I have a few friends who are also coming close to 50 and that magic age has caused them to begin taking things a little more serious as well. I've changed my eating habits quite a bit in the last 6 months and in the next 6 months plan to get a lot more active than I've been in a very long time. Adding to my elliptical workout will be swimming laps twice a week, and rollerblading at least until the weather turns in late fall. I would very much like to see that scale number go down, and have nice fitting clothes again. I'd love to get a Wii Fit but the cost is still out of reach for this family's budget.
Planning... a massive de-cluttering of my game room/schoolroom. I learned a ton of things in the 10 years I homeschooled my kids, and one of those things is this: for me, homeschooling and housekeeping doesn't blend well. I know there are moms who can do both and do it well, but I am not one of them. The ironic thing is, it always bothered me a great deal to sit down Monday morning and begin lessons and notice this thing out of place, or that thing sitting over there. All the little things scattered around that didn't belong where they were was always such a huge distraction for me. My normal routine was to tidy up on Sunday night but I always seemed to notice the 80 million things that were still not where they should be, all around the room. I don't have any idea how long it will take me to clear this room out but I begin the process on Monday. That's my ONE summer project this year, instead of having a list like I used to keep. Summer was always my time to get those big things done that I couldn't get to during the school year (due to homeschooling) but since that will no longer be the case come fall, I've chosen to stick with only one summer project and let the others sort of fall into place once all the kids are in school come September. I think the hardest thing will be the realization that this year instead of going through their books and making a list of new curriculum materials to order in July, I'll be putting all those books away (or selling some) for the last time. I've already delayed this project a week because it makes me sad to think about it.
Missing... blog reading. There was a time a few years ago when I could (and often did) spend hours and hours each day reading blogs, responding on blogs, and writing for this or some other blog. Maybe that's part of why my game room is so cluttered, lol, but I only did that bloggy goodness before the kids got up in the morning, after school or after they went to bed. Tonight I did something I haven't done in a really long time, and I read through some of the lady bloggers out there that have always blessed me. I enjoyed reading their recipes, seeing pics of their new couches, cats, vacations, etc., seeing who has blessed them recently, the books their reading and the plans they're all making and the general sharing of their hearts. I don't ever plan to go back to being "oh, you're Carla from the blogosphere!?" (someone actually said that to me at a conference once) but it was sure nice to visit with the ladies this evening, even if it was just by reading their blogs.
Wondering... how you "catch someone up" on your life when a.) it's been 10, 20 or even 30 years since you last spoke and b.) your life has been so outrageously full of that kind of larger than life, made for tv movie adventure. In the last few months I've reconnected with several old friends on FB and it's hard to know where to start when they say "catch me up!" Do they really want to know all the stuff? Probably not, but it's strange thing to even know where to begin or how much to share. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who feels this way, since sites like FB are fairly well known for reconnecting old friends.
Loving... the warm weather we've been having. Several days in a row of 90+ temps was right up my alley. I could certainly do without the high humidity that comes along with it, but the warm weather is wonderful. I think every morning should be met with the least possible resistance in getting ready for the day by asking yourself "which color shorts and which color tank top today?" Followed only by "flip flops or birks?" You know, the really hard questions in life. If I could move all my family and church family to Arizona, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Stressing... over the sermon time change at my church. I had forgotten this evening until my 11 year old reminded me that the summer hours have gone into effect and service time is an hour earlier than usual. I realize how petty and insignificant it sounds but time changes (spring, fall, crossing time zones, etc.) really mess with me in a way that probably borders on mentally deranged. It's always bothered me quite a bit, but the first time I really noticed how weird I get over it, was when I flew to NY from Seattle. Crossing all the US time zones and finally getting to my hotel at 2 am NY time I was wide awake when I should have been fast asleep. I had an appointment at 8am the next morning and only ended up with about 3 hours of sleep (and loads of strong, black coffee) and I was an absolute wreck the whole day. What made it worse yet, was that I flew back to Seattle the next day crossing all the time zones again and getting into Seattle roughly 45 minutes (Seattle time) after I'd left NY (New York time). By the time I got home, I was a Time Zombie and it took me days to get my head back on straight. I think that trip only made my time issue worse, because ever since then I have a major problem when anything routine changes to a different time. Add to that, Kev is on a rotating, continental shift and even though he's been on it for a long time, I can never get used to it, because it always changes! All that rambling to say, I have a really hard time, with time changes.
Remembering... but trying hard not to, that this year (and this season specifically) marks the 15th year since Ben's passing. With each passing year, grieving over the loss of a loved one takes on a new form. It does get easier, and you do forget a lot of the bad things or the little annoying things that seemed so big, once upon a time. You also begin to forget some of the good things, and the things you didn't want to forget and swore you never would. That realization hit me hard while driving home the other day from running errands, and suddenly there were fresh tears of loss and "what never was" rolling down my cheeks. Yes, it's okay to still cry 15 years later even when it catches you by surprise.
Realizing... it's late and I haven't finished the laundry for church tomorrow. I only hope I can get my brain to engage at the right time and get ready, get the kids ready and be out the door on time to make the early service.