Saturday, March 7, 2009

A Really Bad List of Really Dumb Clues

Next month I celebrate 15 years of living with a Christian worldview, and seeing things considerably different than I did for the first 29 years of my life. It's been a wild ride for the last 15 years and I can point out numerous areas I've grown, as well as numerous areas where I still have much growing to do. I'm quite thankful the Holy Spirit got ahold of me when He did and changed things, and I shudder to think what kind of person I might be today, had that not happened.

I suppose its because I did live for a while as an unsaved adult, that I find it rather easy to see how the world thinks certain things are funny, or okay, or acceptable. It wasn't all that long ago that I thought exactly the same way. One of those kinds of things, is how the world sees relationships between men and women. Recently, a friend linked me to a site that has a list of "18 clues he's still crazy about you". She read over the list and wondered if other Christian women found it as ridiculous as she did. Here's the list, and my thoughts on the "clues". Your opinions of these clues may vary considerably from mine.

1. When you wear a T-shirt, boxers, and socks to bed, somehow he still thinks you're cute.

I couldn't put my finger on it at first, but there was something that bugged me immediately about this "clue". Then I realized that the implication is that men will not find their wives attractive unless she's all dolled up. That one is insulting to men who don't think this way.

2. He doesn't laugh when you pronounce former hockey star Mark Messier's name as "Mark Messy-er."

Mark Who? This implies that if your husband laughs at you when you mispronounce something, he's no longer crazy about you. A bit over the top, I'd say. Not to mention, this is the kind of silly thing that countless women take seriously and end up nuerotic over. "You laughed at me! You don't love me anymore!!!" I know it sounds insane, but there are women who take these kinds of lists far more serious than they ever should. They need to learn to laugh at themselves more.

3. The only framed photo on his bureau is of you at age ten — with short bangs, cat glasses, and metal braces. (If he kept it in his wallet, you would have to kill him.)

Kev has a picture of me in his wallet that was taken roughly 14 years and 40 pounds ago. It's a pretty good picture of me wearing a dress I loved and haven't been able to wear for several kids. If he had a picture of me in my baseball team uniform at age 14, I really wouldn't care.

4. He automatically smooshes all spiders for you.

In our house I'm usually the creepy-crawly-wee-beastie-smoosher, but if it's a bee, see ya later. Indeed it is Kevin's official job in life to save me from all flying things that have stingers. If he ever stopped doing that, I would be a nuerotic mess and start reading women's magazines that had lists in them, and begin taking them seriously.

5. He tried — unsuccessfully, but he tried — to clean the rust ring his shaving-cream can left on the sink.

And if he doesn't, he's no longer crazy about you? No, if he doesn't it means he either forgot, or didn't know it was there in the first place, or was just too busy. Get over yourself woman and get in there with the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Life will go on, I assure you.

6. After you rear-ended that Lexus in the parking lot, his very first words were "Are you OK?"

That one was sort of non-sensical. You hit another car in a parking lot and he asks "are YOU ok?"?, as in "are you mental, what did you do that for"? I guess I don't get that one.

7. At this point, his wedding band is so tight, it makes his finger look swollen — but he swears he'd feel naked without it.

This one REALLY annoyed me. If his wedding band is so tight and he's so worried you'll freak out if he takes it off, then you need to seriously get over yourself and cut the poor guy some slack before he loses his finger. Ugh, what a dumb clue.

8. He doesn't try to guess what you want for your birthday — he asks your best friend.

Now remember this list of clues is supposed to be clues that say IF he does this, he's still crazy about you - meaning - that if he doesn't, he's not. So if he doesn't ask your best friend what you want, and he guesses and/or tries to pick out something he thinks you want, then he's no longer crazy about you. Ugh, another dumb clue.

9. He's incapable of putting dishes into the dishwasher but has learned to stack them in the sink.

If I were a man reading this list this one would really rub me the wrong way. See, this is supposed to be funny, tee hee he's incapable of loading the dishwasher, as if you're a pampered princess and can't touch an unrinsed dish and he's some sort of lunkhead that can't function around a kitchen appliance. I didn't think this one was funny at all.

10. He understands which old boyfriends are fair game and which aren't.

Definitely a most ridiculous clue. Ugh, and gack.

11. He doesn't "whoop!" while watching the Super Bowl anymore. OK, he does, but he's definitely cut back the whooping by about 20 percent.

Why does anyone even care if he whoops? Let him whoop, get over yourself already!

12. He'll pick up a box of tampons at the drugstore without wincing.

I wouldn't, if I were a man. It's awkward and women know it. Its even awkward for some women who've been buying them for years and years. I really don't like this list, it's SO me-centered and so "my husband is a spineless dolt he does whatever I want him to do".

13. Though you've had several kids together, he's never once announced, "We're pregnant!"

And if he did, so what? Frankly I find that statement a little weird anyway, but so what if he said that? It just implies he's happy about the pregnancy. Are we going to get uppity over this one too because HE isn't the one pregnant anyway and this is all about me, because I am the center of the universe?

14. He wears that "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" sweatshirt you bought him during a weak moment — sometimes even in public.

Okay so, if you KNOW he wouldn't ever really wear a shirt like that in the first place, why did you buy it for him? I'm thinking the lady reading lists like this and doing this stuff has some serious psychological issues in the first place.

15. He's careful never to deal with nose hairs in your presence.

Why, what will happen if he plucks one with you standing there? Nose hairs are a part of life (thankfully not mine, but someone else's I'm sure) so get a real clue, and leave him and his nose hairs alone.

16. When you drag him to sentimental movies, he doesn't sit there and snicker. (He may fall asleep, but he won't snicker.)

Why are women dragging men to sentimental movies in the first place, and why are these men going along with it? Who are these people?

17. He doesn't comment on your new haircut unless you ask him to. And then he lies.

So he's a trained puppy who lies on command! Good job. No thanks, I'd rather have a husband who feels free to comment on whatever he wants to comment on, and tells the truth. Keep your well-trained liar, I'm sure you'll live happily ever after.

18. He may forget to give you a card for Valentine's Day, but at least he understands this is a criminal offense. And he's prepared to pay the price.

This last one was just as annoying as many of the other ones. So he forgets, big whoop-dee-doo. You forget stuff too and you know it. Do you expect him to make you feel like garbage when you forget stuff? No?? Then don't do it to him either, it's just cold and spiteful.

So in conclusion...

Yes, I think it's a ridiculous list. Self-centered, man-bashing, woman-glorifying, off-balanced, stupid list of unrealistic clues.

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