Sunday, September 7, 2008

Prayer

I don't too often ask and I'm not really sure why I don't, but I sure would like to ask for prayer today.

I have what one doctor once called Chronic Muscle Spasm, in the large muscles on both sides of vertebrate in my neck/spine area. To make a long story short, on the 4th of July 1992, I was in a head on collision and suffered whiplash. My poor beautiful red Camaro was wiped out completely in the front left quarter panel, and while still drivable, it looked horrendous. Insurance wrote it off as a total loss, although I did still drive it for 3 more years.

Poor pretty red Camaro :-(

My injury was permanent, and the way it flares up is, the muscles around my neck spazz out and yank my spine out of alignment & pinch the nerves. On a good day it feels like how it might feel if you woke up with a kink in your neck, and as painful as that is I've just learned to live with it and actually just ignore it as much as possible. You do learn how to adapt to such things. On a bad day, the only way that I know how to describe it, is by saying that it feels like there is a flaming hot knife sticking in my neck that turns any time I move my head. On bad days I usually can't turn my head at all, and moving in general is very difficult because you use your neck for a lot more than you realize. Even coughing or sneezing or simply yawning, can be brutally painful. Thankfully God is quite merciful and I don't have days like that very often (maybe once or twice a year), but I'm having one today. I couldn't get out of bed on my own today and almost screamed when I was able to finally sit up. Not good. At all.

I've tried it all, taken it all, and done it all, and surgery can't fix it. I can't take perscription pain killers or muscle relaxers because they make me so nauseated I can't see straight, walk, talk or have a coherent thought other than "oh no, I'm going to be sick again!" (I prefer to deal with the pain more than I can handle that kind of nausea). Physical therapy, massage therapy and chiropractic care does help, but it's also not fully covered by insurance and is quite costly. There are some stretching exercises that I do that sometimes help, sometimes don't.

I never know what might aggrivate it. It could be something as simple as reaching for something at the wrong angle, or sleeping in a weird position, or a sudden turning of the head, or flipping my hair out of my face. It's not unheard of for me to be more or less out of commission for a few days, by sneezing too hard. I did something at some point this week that aggrivated it, and today is sort of ground zero for extreme pain world.

Suffice it to say, the family is off to church today while I sit here with 800mg of advil taking a tiny slice of the edge off. I hate to miss church for any reason, and this neck injury interrupts my life and my routine a lot more than I ever mention to anyone.

With school back in session and a busy week ahead of me, I'm asking for my readers to please pray for me, as the Lord brings this situation to your thoughts. God is most merciful with me on this and has been for the last 16 years. He can take it away and heal me if He so chooses, or He can leave it and allow me to suffer if He chooses. Whatever He ordains is right. My prayer request is that I handle it this week, with grace. Those of you who also live with chronic pain know that it can sometimes quite easily turn you into a less than kind or gracious person, and I just don't want to go there. It's not a happy place, for anyone.


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