Thursday, June 26, 2008

Flying, Evil, Malicious, Blood-thirsty Minions

Let's discuss for a moment, mosquitos. To make it perfectly clear, I hate them with the burning passion of 10,000 white-hot suns. Okay maybe that's a little over the top, but rest assured I dislike them a great deal. The problem is, they LOVE me. They see me outside and call (they have little cell phones, I'm sure of it) all their friends, family and known associates, to come and feast on my flesh. I can even hear them coming, licking their creepy little mosquito lips and snickering a like a 10 year old at an all-you-can-eat buffet. I'm almost positive I've even seen some of them carrying wee little empty bottles to fill up with my blood, when their nasty little mosquito tummies are full.

As I type this, I am trying my very best (and losing this battle, repeatedly) to not itch one of the numerous bites I currently have. To give you a better idea of what I mean, I have one on my forehead (cyclopse, anyone?), one on the side of my face, one on my ear, several on my shoulders and arms, a few on my right leg, and SIXTEEN of them on my left leg. Apparently "Left Leg" was the soup of the day, yesterday in the strawberry patch.

I don't know why they like me as much as they do, I just know they do, and they always have. I still remember the night my brother and I decided to camp out and went running in the house at about 2am literally covered from head to toe, and even between our toes, with skeeter lumps. Mom put that icky pink calamine lotion all over us, and we looked like pink spotted elephant men. It was brutal, I tell ya. I recall numerous times I've seen them on me, swatted at them and the amount of blood that splattered all over me was quite shocking.

I suppose there is something in my blood they really like, but when I get bit it's not just a little bump. Oh no, often they swell to the size of walnuts. Now imagine if you will, 16 walnut sized, maddeningly itchy lumps on one leg, and you'll get the idea of what I'm currently dealing with just on one leg!

So now that I've painted this ever-so-pretty picture of my itchy-lumpiness, I need some input. I desperately need some tips on skeeter spray that actually works. Something I can spray on before I go to pick my strawberries, or just spend some time outside playing and having fun. Lotions, creams, sprays, AK47S, flame-throwers whatever. I've tried lots of things and nothing really works like it says it will. I think they come with damp little washcloths to just dab the area clean before they attack.

I'm desperate. Please do leave a comment and let me know what works for you. I draw the line at a blood transfusion, although right this minute it doesn't really sound so far-fetched.

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